Gay couple open about their sexuality

I will accept you only if you fit into the stereotypical gender roles, only if you are attracted to people of the opposite sex. 

 If you reject the appropriate behavior, I will deny, forget and shun you.

Many gays and lesbians are faced with this ideology.  

They must either accept their sexuality and risk being ostracized or reject their sexuality and hide a portion of their identities.  

Stephanie Young, 38, senior English major from Hickory, N.C., was faced with this same doctrine as a child and adult. 

 She said she rejected herself for nearly 30 years to avoid the stigma of being a lesbian.

As early as 5 years old, Young said she began having attractions to girls.

"I considered myself bisexual," Young said.

Young said she began dating a female, Kessiah Young, in high school.

"At 16, we were forced to keep our relationship hidden; we often communicated through letters," Young said. 

Young said they eventually broke up because of the fear and stigma of being gay.

"Pregnant at 17, I was pressured into getting married by my parents."

Despite domestic abuse, Young said her mom preferred her to stay with her abusive husband over a woman.

Later, Young said she remarried as a matter of convenience.

Five years ago, Young said she reunited with Kessiah, her high school sweetheart.  They got married in April 2010 in Washington, D.C.  

Kessiah is a master's student in Divinity School at Wake Forest.

"I vowed that I would be happy for me."

Young said the transition wasn't easy.

"There was turmoil in the beginning when we got back together."

Young said her third-born child hated her and called her names.

"We had an explosive relationship; he always blamed me for his father's absence."

For the first time, Young said she experienced what it meant to be a minority.

"I hadn't experienced oppression up until this point. I had become a minority with a label and stigma attached."

Her wife had a different transition.

"I always knew I was attracted to girls. I wanted a girlfriend in kindergarten, but that wasn't happening in 1980," Kessiah said.

Kessiah said she came out when she was 17.  Now, 37, she said she does not struggle with accepting herself.

"I guess that comes with age. Instead of being ashamed or fearful about losing friends or offending others, I am focused on my own human rights and the pursuit of equality within the United States," Kessiah said.

As a biracial lesbian, Kessiah said she hopes to advocate for all marginalized people.

Since accepting her sexuality, Young said she has been confronted with several issues.

Primarily, North Carolina does not recognize their marriage.  This lack of recognition means the couple must pay additional fees not assessed to heterosexual couples.

"In order to get our name changed, we must pay $88 each. It costs $100 to get our names on a car title together."

In the public school setting, Young said her son faces homophobia.

Around Mother's Day, Young said her son tried to create two mother's day cards and his teacher said no.

Young said her sons wanted to join the Boy Scouts.  

After much deliberation, Young said she would not allow her boys to participate.

"The organization promotes homophobia and racism. I am against oppression of any sort."

Kessiah notes that parents should recognize that sexuality is not a choice.

"Children do not choose to be gay. We are born gay. We are raised to be straight, and some of us try to fit the expectations of our families."